Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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