she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
