she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
