Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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