The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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