Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
