you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
