life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
