I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
