I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
