so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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