kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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