I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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