After last night, I could never be a politician.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
