stop calling my apartment porn island.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
