Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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