3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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