WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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