i just sent this text using only my big toe
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
