I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
