I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
