im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
