Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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