he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
