Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
