you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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