I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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