his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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