If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
