and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
NoShamevember. You game?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
