Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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