We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just pee around me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
