All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
