we have officially lost it.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
