Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
