everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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