in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She told me I should be a condom model.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
