i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
