I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
