Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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