Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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