I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
