you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
