Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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