can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
