happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
