Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
