hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
