thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
