she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
