she looked like the bat from fern gully.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
