Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
