im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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