I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
