she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
