We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
